The apartment was emptied and cleaned — an extraordinary accomplishment, given how much three college students crammed into such a small space over the past 18 months. Keys were returned to campus housing, and it was time to part ways.
“Is everyone sure they have everything?” Jo asked her two roommates as she prepared to close the door.
“Wait,” I said abruptly. “That door closing is a metaphor. Once it locks, you can never go back. Everything you’ve known in life to this point is done. Your lives have revolved around school, parents, and familiar routines for 22 years. You’re literally closing a door on that life. Don’t miss the moment.”
Jo, Claire, and Madison, just 12 hours post-graduation, faced their first “big moment” in unfamiliar territory. They grabbed the handle, counted to three, pulled the door closed for the final time, and took their first steps toward the unknown life ahead.
Madison is my daughter. The graduation, the moment at the apartment door, and saying goodbye to these young women we’ve come to know so well — it was all surreal. The thought flashed through my mind, “Didn’t we just drop her off last week for her freshman year? How did we get here so quickly?” I vividly remember every detail of that first trip to Los Angeles, thinking, “What kind of parent leaves their child 2,000 miles from home in a place where she doesn’t know anyone?”
I was an emotional wreck on the four-hour flight home then, and through tears, wrote a column titled “The ‘Ugly Cry’ of College Goodbyes.” Now, I’m reflecting on closing doors and life transitions with children. We all face them. Here are five realities I’ve learned over the past four years that may help as you navigate similar circumstances.
1. The seasons change. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,” while Ecclesiastes 7:13 affirms, “Consider the work of God: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?” Life’s seasons change as surely as summer drifts into fall, bringing both lament and joy. Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” Life is not stagnant, and moments evaporate, giving way to next moments.
2. We must trust God’s sovereignty. Experiencing life fully requires embracing both “beauty and terror” while trusting neither is beyond God’s domain.
Dutch theologian Abraham Kuyper said, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, ‘Mine!’” We must trust God’s sovereignty to “will and to work for his good purpose” (Philippians 2:13).
3. Wisdom is refined by individual choice. Wisdom comes from seeking God and following His direction. I’m proud of Madison’s choices in friends, fiancé, studies, and work, but a new season demands wisdom yet to be realized.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10). Will she choose it? Will we? This isn’t mystic stuff but is the practical theology to which we are called. “Choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15).
4. I must see her for who she has become, not who she was. Four years ago, we dropped off a teenage girl at college; now, we’ve watched a confident, independent, capable young woman stride across a stage to receive her diploma.
Our relationship has changed. I parent differently, focusing less on solving her problems and more on helping her solve her own. It’s hard — I’m a fixer — but within a week of graduating, she’s confirmed her wedding venue, negotiated and signed a teaching contract, found an apartment, purchased the necessary insurance and connected all her utilities.
I have never done any of those things.
5. I must remember God’s faithfulness. This seems obvious, but how often does life’s pace suffocate memories of God’s goodness?
As I waited for Madison’s name to be called among more than 500 graduates, I reflected on God’s faithfulness woven through her four-year journey. The examples are endless. Recalling God’s past faithfulness strengthens confidence in His future goodness.
As the apartment door clicked shut, it locked away Madison’s college years — and a piece of my heart. I can’t reopen that door to relive those moments with my “kiddo,” but God’s faithfulness assures me it’s OK.
I’m excited to watch Madison step boldly into the unknown life ahead, and I’m reminded that we all face closing doors and next steps. What doors are you closing today? Trust God’s sovereignty, embrace the new season, and step forward with faith. B&R